Hmph.

I absolutely can’t bear seeing my younger brother Saif unhappy. I really really really hope he begins to have opportunities out here that will make him adjust & enjoy it.

So Sunday I guess I’ll go hang with Kendriana, shes kinda weird in my opinion lol. But were going to this MAS Muslim kinda thingy idk what heak it is…but I’ll just go I guess to get some enjoyment for a while before I start this full time Job Monday.

Cause I’m Bored.

1. who was the last person you held hands with? hmmm, honestly can’t remember. It’s been a couple years since the first grade. haha

2. are you loud, outgoing or shy? definitely shy, I have my outgoing/loud moments when I’m around someone I’m comfy with, but other than that, I’m reserved. 

3. who are you looking forward to seeing? Cali babayy! & my best friend/sissy manar, devon, jasmine, jyllian, josh, ivan, kristen, angelica ugh tons of people I miss! :(

4. are you easy to get along with? I think so, I’m the sweetest person a lot of people say they come across.

5. have you ever given up on someone but then gone back to him or her? yes I’ve given up on someone….No I never went back to him.

6. if you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you? doubt it lol. A. because I don’t drink and B. I don’t like anyone.

7. do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? ha..next question.

 8. who from the opposite gender is on your mind? This sexy chocolate man I had just recently seen on my dash ;)

9. does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nope lol.

10. who was the last person you had a deep converesation with? hmmm my bestfriend Manar. She’s honestly the only person I get into deep conversations with. A lot of people I come across unfortunately only stick with the small talk. and I highly dislike small talk I only like deep meaningful conversations. 

11. what does your most recent text say? Less goo!

12. how do you feel about abortion? don’t care. people do what they want to do with their bodies. 

13. do you like big crowds of people? mmm don’t mind em. as long as it don’t stink and it’s not musty lol.

14. do you believe in luck and miracles? hmm both. Some people are luckier than others.

15. what good thing happened this summer? everything! just all the memories of going out with manar and becca. there was ALWAYS something to do in Cali.

16. would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no.

17. do you think there is life on other planets? sure do!

18. do you still talk to your first crush? nope. moved to Florida sadly.

19. do you like your neighbors? never met em

20. what are your bad habits? I’m very critical of myself.

21. where would you like to travel? everywhereeeeee

22. do you have trust issues? yeah, especially with men.

23. favorite part of your daily routine? drinking my coffee and getting my jog in

24. what body part are you most uncomortable with? my right leg -.- I have a scar on it.

25. what do you do when you wake up? go back to sleep.

26. do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? …really? NEXT

27. who are you most comfortable around? My family, Manar, and my old friends back in cali I grew up with.

28. have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? never really had an ex

29. do you ever want to get married? yes, soon, inshallah. or when the time is right.

30. is your hair long enough for a ponytail? yes, wish it were longer x(

31. which celebrities would you like having a threesome with? hmmmm lol…..

32. what do you say during awkward silences? oh god. I’m horrible at those. and some how they ALWAYS happen to me. I usually just sit there and say…” well…yeah so,” and look away lol.

33. if you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean? I’m thinking a lot.

34. what are you paranoid about? being alone

35. Who was the last person you said ‘I love you’ to on the phone? my grandma and manar

36. Are you secretly jealous of any of your friends? nahh I always wish the best for my friends & want them to be happy. jealousy is pathetic.

Sometimes I wonder if people are as critical of themselves as I am. -.-

I’m to hard on myself. *sigh…

Personal journal 03 : Lone Wolf

I feel so antisocial at times. There’s absolutely no one I feel close to out here. I just hate that I feel so alone. It’s even a feeling I have. Like a weighing emptiness in my chest. I miss manar & just having that feeling like I belong somewhere & I’m home. Texas doesn’t feel like home to me. No matter what I do. Idk I just feel like eventually I’m going to crack. I just miss seeing all the familiar faces of people I grew up with back home. And what’s even worse my brother saif has only been out here 2 weeks and he’s starting to have the same feelings. I just pray and pray that we all can adjust here. It’s hard…and I mean HARD replacing friends you have a long history with.

thesenseamongthecommon:

There’s a level of awkwardness in almost everything I do.

Me too -.- always.

Personal Journal 02 : bleh hair!

Got my hair done, aaaaand I’m EH! about it. But I’m glad I didn’t cut it all off, just got it trimmed cause the hairdresser talked me out of it. At least it’s manageable for work, I guess? I won’t have to fuss with it to much which is good, cause I don’t have a good straightener right now. But in all honesty I didn’t walk out that salon feeling like “vavoom! I look bomb” I feel like I look blehh. Man do I have crappy self esteem -.- lol & what made it even worse was this girl on Facebook got the same Asian bangs as me and it suited her wayyy better lol. Ah well. Enough with my hair. I can’t wait to start work mondayyyy!! I’m gonna straight up RELAX these next 3 days and do absolutely nothing. I want to be fully energized and awake while their training me. I just have this feeling..I’m gonna do really well (: